A heavily intoxicated man, driving home from a Halloween party dressed as a cow, became confused when his GPS navigator malfunctioned, causing him to drive right into the Niagara River. He managed to get out and walk to the nearby water-treatment plant to ask for help. Based on his appearance, workers called the cops.

BUT, THEN AGAIN, WE DO SORT OF LIKE WHEN IT HAPPENS . . . A female German tourist was traveling through Alice Springs, Australia, where she was attacked by a local man who did not know that she has a black belt in karate. A police officer said later, “She punched him three times in the face and kicked him in the head. She did pretty well - not that we’re encouraging that sort of thing.”

NO! NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! . . . An Italian convict was transferred from the prison in Palermo, Sicily, to his home for house arrest, where he became very agitated at his wife’s nagging. So he went to the police station and asked to be sent back to jail. The cops made him go back home.

HOLD ON, I THINK I LEFT SOMETHING BACK THERE . . . Two men broke into a home in Tamarac, Fla., to rob the lady who lived there. They were arrested soon after fleeing, largely because one of them left behind his cell phone with pictures of himself on it.

LET’S SLIP IN HERE WHERE NOBODY WILL SEE US . . . Washington, D.C., police know what three men who robbed a tourist look like because they went into nearby convenience store a short time later to divvy up the cash, and were photographed by the store’s surveillance camera. The manhunt has commenced.